i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
