I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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