I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
