but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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