you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
