I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
