i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
