All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
