I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
