Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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