My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
