I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Screwed.edu
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
