Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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