Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
