question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
