My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
