Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
