i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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