I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
