did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
