You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
