Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
