we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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