The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
