I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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