was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
