I love black thongs
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the condom got lost in my hair
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
