Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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