I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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