Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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