best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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