No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
