Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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