you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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