i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
