I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
