too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
