I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
