her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
