i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
