you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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