I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
