somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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