Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Randomize
