You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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