Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
