I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
two words: eviction party
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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