Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
