ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
