I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize
