I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
